Finding My Heart
by ShadowCree
Summary: I had become content and almost happy. I should have known that I should have expected an upheaval. I should have known my peaceful existence would not last. I never should have answered Eleazar's call. Warning Femslash inside.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

It has been seventy years since Edward left me in Forks. Seventy years since Edward left me broken and alone in that godforsaken forest. Seventy years since I had heard the booming laughter of Emmett, the fashion rants of Alice, and the motherly advice of Esme. It has been sixty years since I have felt anything. Sixty years since my heart beat its last beat.

Another day, another city in my never-ending search for anything that may make me feel anything other than emptiness that has plagued my undead life. I hadn't wanted this existence not since I last saw Edward, the boy I that I convinced myself I loved. In the years that I have passed since he left I have come to realize that I never really loved him, what I loved about him was the fact that he was unattainable. The relationship would end because he would never change me. He wouldn't damn me as he believed he was. What I didn't realize until later was that subconsciously I was testing myself. He was a last ditch effort to see if I could love a man; if I could be normal like society dictated. I couldn't. It took the love of a self loathing vampire and his rejection for me to realize and accept that I am and always have been a lesbian.

Coming out of the closet was hard. Renee acted as I expected with disgust. For all her notions of free will and equality the moment I told her that I was attracted to women the religion of her parents that she had rejected in adulthood had come to the forefront of the mind. After two months of her throwing around scripture at me I stopped taking her calls. I would never change anything about myself to make people happy again. Charlie. Sweet understanding Charlie, I think he knew the entire time I was with Edward. He told me he didn't care so long as I was happy. With the chance of immortality gone I stepped up my game and started sending out college applications. After getting accepted to several good schools I settled on UC San Diego. The complete opposite of Forks. Nice and sunny. After five years of studying nonstop with a more than full course load I had earned my masters in English. Charlie had been so proud and I had never been so happy to have made him proud. That summer I moved to the Big Apple and got a low level position at a publishing company.

Unfortunately fate has never been kind to me and has never given me happiness without tragedy. Two years later a few weeks after I had been made an assistant editor after finding a bestseller that almost never saw publication Charlie was killed when he pulled over a man speeding high on PCP. With his death I cut all ties with Forks, Washington. None of my friendships from high school had lasted (no matter how much Newton begged) so the break was easy. I faced m own death three years later when James's mate Victoria resurfaced. She found me during my daily run through the nearby park. It seems she had been unable to get to me in Forks but hadn't known I had left until recently but didn't know where. The meeting was pure chance that ended with me screaming in agony for three days. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist the pull of human blood so after waiting until I could hear no one I ran to my apartment I emailed my resignation, sold my things, and bought a cabin in the Montana wilderness. Nine years later I finally had satisfactory control so I returned to the human population. This time I made my home in Seattle and returned to the publishing world but what had once been my life now seemed so empty. With an eternity ahead of me to return to my career I decided to travel the globe.

Eventually my travel brought me to Italy where I came to the attention of the Volturi, the leaders and policing force of the vampire world. Like Edward, Aro unable to read my mind and his most favored member of the guard unable to get past my shield, became intrigued. I stayed there as a member of the guard for three years.

My friendship with the reserved and vicious Caius surprised everyone including myself but it turned out we both had a deep love of literature. During my time in Volterra I met Eleazar when Aro requested he come to see the extent of my powers, and we talked often even when I left Volterra to begin my travels again. For the next thirty years I stayed in Europe mostly, I had become content and almost happy. I should have known that I should have expected an upheaval. I should have known my peaceful existence would not last. I never should have answered Eleazar's call.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. If I did I would get rid of Douchward.

Authors Note: Sorry I took so long to update but know my self well enough to know not to promise to be quicker with the next.

To help with the visual I have put links on my profile of Bella's outfit and who I have in mind for Bella.

Another rainy day in London, another day in my existence. I never thought I could love another rainy town after Forks but the Mother Countries Capital has its charm and I have grown quite comfortable in the U.K.

Over the years due to some very good investments I had amassed a modest fortune and have decided to merely enjoy my time touring the historical sites and museums the country had to offer. Today I had decided to visit a gallery of a local artist who was making noise in the art circles currently. After dressing in a pair of gray tights and a black dress I put on my favorite pair of black knee high boots and cream trench. I glanced at the mirror and stared at my reflection and once again took notice of the changes. My face had changed a great deal since I had lived in Forks, no longer was I just some plain-Jane. My faces had become more striking especially as my short wavy hair now framed my face with my short bands but the biggest change of all was of course my eyes.

Gone were the deep chocolate eyes of my father in their place was not the topaz that I had once gotten lost in. a constant reminder of the family I had lost and of a future taken from me. With age my body had filled our and become more womanly. The three inches that I had grown had also made me for more intimidating than the barely five feet I once was. Breaking out of my reverie I left my bedroom and traveled down the stairs to the entrance of my town house and grabbed my favorite red umbrella from my coat rack and left. Opening the door I joined the hustle and bustle of London. When I decided to take up a semi permanent residence in England I chose not to isolate myself like the Cullen's. Instead I lived side by side with the humans and observed them lest I forget what it was like to be human.

It was a forty minute walk at human speed from my home to the art gallery but the walk was welcomed. Sometimes doing things the human way was calming to me as it reminded me of my humanity. The walk was finished without incident and I spent a few hours browsing the humans painting but decided not to buy and began my journey home. I'd been on edge for the past week something was about to change I could feel it in my undead bones and I didn't know whether of not it was going to be good. As I was walking my phone began to vibrate and as I saw the area code I knew it could only be one person. I only knew one person that could be calling me from Alaska. Eleazar. I contemplated whether or not to answer but my curiosity got the better of my and I accepted the call.

"Hello." I greeted.

"Oh Isabella it has been to long since we spoke. I had almost forgotten what you sounded like."

"Funny, Eleazar. Vampire have perfect memories."

"Yes, yes we do, Tesoro." He sighed "But nothing compares to the real thing."

At this I laughed as Eleazar had always been able to rip me from and gloomy mood.

"So why are you calling? You usually only call me every few years." I questioned.

"Yes, but perhaps I have decided to make it a weekly thing so you do not forget me. But yes I do have a reason for calling; I wish to invite you to visit my home here in Denali. It was been sometime since I have seen you, and my mate Carmen wishes to meet the woman I speak of."

For the past few months I had been on edge like a cornered cat just waiting to strike at the threat. I lived in peace so where this threat my instincts were detecting I didn't know. So perhaps I change of scenery is exactly what I needed. Maybe I had been in London for too long. Maybe I have been isolate from my own kind for too long as well. Denali seemed nice from how Eleazar described-

"Bella?" Eleazar prompted. I guess I had been lost in my musing for too long.

Pausing for a little long I answered yes.

"I'll be there in two weeks." After ironing out some details I hurried home to begin packing for my trip.


End file.
